Resentment

You know everyone changes and suddenly you don’t know who they are anymore like maybe they don’t even know who you are anymore. They can impose stupid curfews on you, expect the impossible from you, expect you to obey and listen to them but are they ever going to learn to understand that were in 2013, that it’s all different now that they have to learn to let go to see their kids achieve what they can.

Affection and love doesn’t show really often from where i come from. Or maybe because i’m the eldest. Who fucking cares about the eldest right? No i don’t need your empathy because really, i have been living this life for 19 years. You don’t tell me things, that i do not see. Sure they show me care and concern, sometimes. Most of the times it’s just authority that i see. 

I know for one reason, you’re afraid. Afraid to see me become you. Afraid that i won’t have a proper career a proper future, no goals in life like you were when you’re a teen. I know you want the best for me but at this rate, its going to be a reason for downfall.

One thing for sure, don’t you trust your own flesh and blood? You raised me well enough to know what’s right and what’s wrong. Whatever i choose to do (Of course i would never do anything that might bring shame to you both) is my choice and my decision in life. I need to fall once in a while to rise back up but really is this what you’re capable of? Just because you’re my parents, i have to listen to everything you say, even if it doesn’t make me happy? Just because you have authority you can talk to me in a tone like that?

So is this ‘life’ of mine, is it about you or me?

As such ive strapped myself on one hell of a ride these few days. 
I think i get more support from my friends then both of you combined. 

If only Singapore wasn’t at all expensive, i swear i would have packed my bags and leave. Leave for good. Get an apartment or something. You know go missing like as if i would have made a difference. I don’t think the way you are handling things is in favor for the both of us. It just worsens the whole thing. Instead of sitting down with me and talking things out, you choose to threaten, shout and point at me.
What a good move. Great going! Checkmate!

To top it all off, you don’t even know i am in the midst of my exams. How ever more thoughtful can you get. How can i not love you. 

Not getting allowances at all is never an issue for me because i try my best to understand your situation. And, as the eldest i know i did my part and took up the responsibility for myself. 

But really, i think instead of reasoning things out with me and go the hard method is really a wrong move. There’s so much resentment in me rn. I have been keeping way too much because for the past 19 years i haven’t been saying my mind. Just because i do not say my mind, it doesn’t mean you can step all over me.

Don’t pull the trigger.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s